Strippers and their woes: Troublesome stilettoes

What keeps the strippers up at night?

Strippers are carefree beings. They make rooms come alive, they smile, entertain, host and accept banknotes in their g-string account. But what troubles strippers in Ireland and all over the world?Let strippers share with you some insider tips which can shed light to the darker corners of the limelight of the night time entertainment.

Men with short arms and long pockets

Some men think that there is no difference between going to a strip club and the local supermarket. As soon as they enter the club they go for the special offers corner. Drink and dance offers are not the reason one should go to strip club for. You choose a tittie bar for the quality of the dancers. Also for the atmosphere. Sadly, there are still those guys that will look for 2 for 1 deals.  When you take the decision to party for the night, saving a tenner should be the last thing on your mind. Strippers really hate the customers that waste their time with lengthy haggling techniques. Well, if you really want to save money, there are loads of free videos online. And you can watch them in the comfort of your own home.

Saviours and prudes

You might find both of them in the same person, or apart. These are the guys that will try and ‘save’ the ladies from their stripper career. So you have gone to a place where the ladies wear little to no clothes and make at least double the amount that your wife makes. What makes you feel that they need saving. And from what? Strippers in general laugh off such offers of enlightenment and manage to get a few lap dances from these ‘holy’ men. The elephant in the room is staring at them though. If you don’t agree with striptease, why do you still go to strip clubs? You can save other sinful beings, like the wife beater neighbour or the junkie on the street. In other words, too much BS makes the stripping scene boring.

Boobs and butts

Exotic dancers make a serious effort to keep on top of their game. But as most performers, they suffer from insecurities. As the beauty standards change rapidly in a world that sells packaged alienation, the strippers of the world have failed to unite. Club bitchiness spoils the fun. On the other hand plastic surgeons are super happy about it. The ladies of the night parade will visit such balcony reconstruction clinics regularly. Indeed, it costs a pretty penny to jump from D cup to double D cup. Then we have Latin bottom syndrome. In Latin America and Africa, the child bearing hips have been an object of adoration for the last few millennia. In Europe we went from the big booty to the heroin addict look and back to the globe sized bottom. Silicone butts have not only brought the Kardashians to the pedestal of fame, but also made strippers sign up for squat sessions. The extreme option of butt injections also became a standard procedure, even though the risks of loosing what God already gave you are quite high.

Boyfriends and ex-boyfriends

Strippers might hate the saviours of the world, but they suffer from a Jesus Christ syndrome themselves. A great proportion of strippers tend to date men that have a low confidence level but an amazing personality. Self-destruction has its own charm. Just like artists have their muses, strippers as performance artists, have their own version of prince charming. Or the anti-prince-charming.  They nurture men that refuse to grow up with the tenacity of an emergency room nurse. One theory simply states that opposites attract. At the same time there is a practical reason for the appearance of such characters in the life of strippers. The night is a home to those who break the rules. Risk is the name of the game, and people that wake up at 6 am in the morning for their 9 to 5 life do not take risks. Their view on life is limited, the extremes of emotions and life decisions are dulled by the conditioning that the straight path to ‘heaven’ guarantees. But creatures that live their downfall as well as their brilliancy are the ones that will attract the attention of the delights of the night.

The big bad state

Every organised society is run by a group of people that on the outside pretend to follow a code of common moral decisions and rules. On the other hand this is a just a façade, a smoke and mirrors game so that the majority of the society remains blind and productive. The stripping industry faces regularly onslaughts from the institutions of the state. Erotic dancing is a form of artistic performance, but since the performers are semi naked and the viewers are not, the latter become jealous. Loose morals is the verdict that they hurl at the striptease world. On the other hand a corrupt banking system that sunk Europe into recession, got away with a slap on the wrist. So in order to divert the attention from the real problems, the upper echelons of the political system need scapegoats. And throughout the centuries the misfits, the ones that don’t eat grass from the common field bear the wrath of the ‘good shepherds’ of the society. Having said that, politicians, community leaders and even religious figures have made headlines with top class strippers by their side. Gowan Stormy !

Bad DJs

Not a very well-known issue. But there are venues that hire amateur DJs. There is nothing worse for a stripper than a DJ that doesn’t respect her playlist. Let’s face it. The stage has a few key features that make it a strip club stage. The dancers are the most important. But good functioning poles and good DJs make it a success. Take Magic City Mondays for example. Jeezy and 2 Chainz both worked as DJs in the famous Atlanta strip joint. Their music was first and foremost successful with the girls and the strip club audience. Then they hit the radio waves and finally the billboards.  A good DJ works hand in hand with the dancers to turn up the mood. A bad DJ plays only for himself.

Wardrobe malfunctioning

You probably would think that with so few items of clothing on what could go wrong. Well you forgot the heels then. The stripper shoes are an expensive yet fragile construction. We are talking about being able to balance and bounce at the same time. So a broken heel might be fixable for normal shoes, but for stripper footwear is a disaster. As a result most dancers would keep more than one set of outfits ready to go during their shows. Then we have the rest of the outfit. Actually twerk friendly thongs are as important as the shoes. Most strippers would go through marathons of twerking their bubbles . Can you imagine what would happen if that string didn’t hold the masses of their derriere?

Drugs and alcohol

Definitely not all strippers have a problem with bottles of Grey Goose and baggies of blow. But all night creatures go through a phase. It is called ‘going through a phase’ since just like the phases of electricity they are needed to carry the current. At the same time there is a higher level of danger if one is working surrounded by all the special offers that the nightlife has in store. Having said that, most committed strippers come out of such a phase pretty fast. Those that don’t sadly move on to less glamorous activities.

Recession…it touches everybody including the strippers

Simply put, strippers are part of the list of excesses a man has to afford during his life. At times a sassy present for a friend or loved one. As a stag party or a birthday party highlight a stripper performance is the best one can expect from his buddies.  This type of performances does not really follow the recession rules. But at the same time the big crews of builders and truck drivers that make up the army of regulars take a step back from the strip clubs as their earnings tumble down. So it’s not that they will hang their stripper shoes and start selling insurance door to door, but they might take up babysitting or teach pole dancing on the side.








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