What not to do on a Stag Weekend in Ireland

… or a guide of how to mess up royally your Stag Party

Stag Weekend in Ireland. Famous for the open wide craic, this island of green and black will make sure you have an unforgettable time. The reputation of the fighting drinking Irish is more true for their Irish American Cousins. Here you will be able to enjoy Well when you think of stag parties your mind definitely travels to those hilarious moments that you or your mates still fondly remember. Some of them though do come at a high price. At least in Ireland.

This is a how not to guide . Actually it is based on  a collage of many such stories furnished by some of the most experienced strippers in the Industry.

Alcohol vs Stags

Beers and shots will be flowing. As a result if you are part of an AA club, do not come to Ireland. Be wise about the level of intake though. Shot competitions are not a good idea, especially in the early afternoon. Usually they result in a few members of the stag party resigning early to bed. Don’t try to get the stag sh***faced. While it might seem like a fun idea to begin with, walking around town with a young man that needs the support of two young men will make most bars turn you away. Leave the spirits for last. Nothing puts an end to a party like a tequila slaughter just before dinner.

Strippers on a Stag

Get professionals. Seriously picking your strippers from escort sites is a very very bad idea. You will end up with some unidentified object of desire and her seedy pimp on your stag party. There a lot of female stripper bookers in Ireland with verified Google reviews and active social media. So check carefully. Don’t get a theme that is not compatible with the personality of the stag. If you are dealing with a shy guy getting a dominatrix will leave him with a sore back side and a lot of explaining to do to his better half. And possibly get a few of you off the wedding list.

Pranks and Stag Nights

A well meaning joke is fine. Yes, locking the stag in the toilet, daring him to dance with a man, or go up a pole on the strip club. But spiking his drink with Viagra or sticking his carrot up his back side when he is passed out might get you in trouble. Again think of the bride to be. Rightfully she would be very protective of her forever together treasure.

Drugs and Stag Dos

They are all illegal in Ireland. While a quick dubbie in an alleyway is generally tolerated, class As are not welcome. Most clubs will throw you out if you pretend to be Escobar on your Stag Doo. Also skinning up in a taxi or bus is not welcome either. You might get away with it on a train. If you do decide to play with mind spinning substances avoid street sellers. Stick to local contacts provided by human looking human beings.  Stag Parties

are meant to be messy but there is no need to speed up your departure.

Prostitutes and one night stands

Encouraging the stag to have a bit of fun on the side is never ever a good idea. While a high percentage of Stags and Hens in a small area like Carrick on Shannon does provide an ideal setting for wet sheeted mischief the groom to be should not be part of it. Or if it does happen someone has to rethink the whole forever together thing. And possibly start a new phase of sausage throwing competitions. Prostitution is illegal in Ireland and the punters get prosecuted. So act at will and be aware of the consequences.

Local Sensitivities

Singing Rule Britannia in rural Ireland will definitely get you thrown out of the country pubs. Being obnoxious and making fun of the Irish stereotypes is ok as long as you can handle the jokes at your expense in return. Urinating outside a church or a monument commemorating things like the Irish Famine or the Irish Revolution will get the Guards and a night in the local station. Generally being a d*** is not appreciated in Ireland.

Restaurants and activities

Make sure that you eat at least one square meal a day on your stag . And don’t leave it for 4 am in a kebab joint. It doesn’t have to be fine dinning. A good burger and hand-cut chips usually do the trick. And you will need some photos where you are not making monkey noises around a the stag tied buttnaked to a lamp post. Make sure you take on activities that do not challenge your health. Paintballing could be good idea if you don’t intend to ambush the groom and empty three magazines on him. Rock climbing is ok if you don’t bring grandpa with you.

Props and dolls

Minor detail but dress in comfortable drinking attire on your stag . Do be outrageous. Fun costumes, cow onesies, mankinis. All is good. Avoid crossdressing though. It might be a good idea but  tights and heels can cause sprained ankles and chefs arses. . Avoid police batons, brooms, and dildos. They are all weapons of mass destruction in very drunk hands.

Wan**r Alarm on your Stag Weekend

We all have that one friend that we can’t exclude from the stag weekend. Even though we would love to. Yes the guy who will hit on the DJ’s girlfriend or racially abuse the guy that serves your kebab. Make sure not to bring with you more than one such specimen. And try to share the babysitting duties. Knowing that down deep inside you mate is an absolute dimwit and he won’t change will accumulate a lot of good karma for you.

Texting Girlfriends and other cheesy sh**t

Make sure to turn off or forget your phones. Research has shown that drink diallers on a stag are bound to spoil the fun for everybody. Actual research has shown that 20% of the phones are lost on a stag night. Do yourselves and your loved ones a favour. Leave the phone charging in your hotel room.

And most of all. Do not share your shenanigans with your girlfriends. They are much more loyal than men and a few weeks after your stag one of them will spill the beans to the bride.